Monday, April 14, 2008

Know Your Enemy: Colorado Rockies Edition

I've come to rely on the fact that every single day, when I finally roll off the couch in the afternoon, I'll be greeted by a bright, shiny, brand-spankin' new volume of the world-renowned "SLPiH", which Winfields Ghost and Drama do such a spectacular job of researching while never missing a deadline. I thought, "hey, why should they get to have all of the fun?" so I decided I'd break out my very own regular feature, a little something I like to call "Know Your Enemy", which is basically exactly what it sounds like- a roundup of pertinent links about our upcoming opponents. While occasionally giving respect where respect is due and relevant statistical analysis and breakdown, I can only imagine that it will consist mostly of ridicule and derision of the d-bags that play for other teams. Let's give it a go, shall we?

We kick off our three game series vs. the reigning N.L. champion Colorado Rockies at the greatest park around at precisely 7:05 pm PST Tuesday, the same time as Wednesday and Thursday's games.

Much like we did, Colorado just concluded a road series against a hated division rival with a win one day after recieving a brutal thrashing. Doing most of the damage were Clint Barmes (subbing for the slumping Troy Tulowitzki), who homered and drove in four, and Matt Holliday and Garrett Atkins, who each went yard and drove in three.

Ubaldo Jimenez will be going up against The Wolf. Jimenez won his last start against Atlanta, giving up three earned over six in a 4-3 nailbiter at Coors. He wasn't as successful his first time out, earning the loss in St. Louis, giving up three earned in five innings of work, a game in which "super-sub" Jeff Baker got his only hit thusfar in eleven AB/PAs. Baker is 3-for-18 with 7 Ks in seven career games versus the Padres.

San Diego native Mark Redman gets the nod for Wednesday's game, going up against Justino Hermano. Like Jimenez, Redman beat the Braves in Colorado his last time out, giving up three runs (two earned)on seven hits in five innings of work after getting knocked around for a loss in his first start of the season, giving up five runs (four earned) on nine hits and three walks in less than six innings against the reviled D-Bags. Also like Jimenez (1-0 in two starts), Redman hasn't faced the Padres much, losing his only decision of four games (three starts).

Thursday's finale matches Jeff Francis against Philip Rivers Jake Peavy. Francis is currently 0-2 after getting rocked in both of his starts against Arizona after getting a rain reprieve from his first horrendous start against the Cardinals. In 16 career starts against the Padres, Francis has been far from successful, wearing a 4-10 record and an ERA of 5.83. Khalil, Kouz, and Bard have had their way with him. Not so much Jim Ed, though (1-for-12; ouch!).

Don't feel bad, Corey, this guy's mailbag gets filled with some pretty insipid questions, too. What kind of idiot with the entire internets at his disposal asks what happened to a free agent? Two clicks and you can realize for yourself that not only is Kazuo Matsui a member of the Astros now, but also that he has been unable to play due to anal fissures for quite some time now. Jesus, people; give the Brocks and Rencks of the world some credit and wait until you have a legitimate question.

Colorado is currently 14th in the N.L. in BA (Padres are 2nd), 15th in hits (we're #1!), and 14th in runs and RBI (15th!). Maybe if we watch them closely, we'll pick up a few tips on how to not leave 'em stranded...

Well, I hope you guys learned something about the state of our adversary. Have a great day and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Later...

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