Sunday, November 4, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Friday, September 3, 2010
"OMG; I have to write this paper tonight. FML" Seriously? Fuck your life because you have to- nay, get to- do an assignment as a part of something that is bettering your life and will open up opportunities that others will never have? Really?
"I have to get up and go to work. FML" You know how many people would do nearly anything to have that job, you spoiled little brat? Yeah, fuck your life because you have a means to pay for food and shelter. Poor thing.
This world is full of people with legitimate reasons for despair. There are millions of homeless people, those dying an AIDS related death and addicts who are compelled beyond their own power to do the one thing they hate above all others day in and day out. I could understand it if these people said "fuck my life". But not you.
Later this morning, my aunt is going in to get a mastectomy. Do you know what that is? That's when they cut off your cancerous breast. She already has no hair or energy- you know how many times she's said "fuck my life"? Zero. That's because she's an adult and she has perspective. She has a life and knows it's a precious thing.
Maybe people just don't think about these sorts of things before they start being crybabies and showing off their disgusting sense of entitlement. Maybe they don't care. But I do know that every time I see or hear "FML" I think "Yeah, fuck your life. Seriously. Fuck you."
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
This one was different. When I woke up today, every vivid detail was painted on my brain. I feel it's my duty to warn you that what you're about to read is one of the cheesiest, most insipid loads of misty-eyed garbage you'll ever waste your time reading. I'm not even sure why I'm documenting this because to do so is to surely invite derision and good-natured ridicule but I feel strangely compelled. That being said, it's time I set the scene.
I can still smell the air. An ocean breeze brushed wafts of beer and garlic fries past our faces, a smell I've encountered only at PETCO Park. I was sitting next to a beautiful young gal I know, one who in reality is mercifully oblivious to the slight-but-none-the-less-pathetic silly schoolboy crush I vaguely harbor; our seats were a couple rows behind the first base dugout, close enough to see Li'l T's smile in the on-deck circle before he strode to the plate. I don't know who we were playing or who was on base. I do know that when TGJ dropped the first pitch into shallow left-center, somebody scored and the place went nuts- except for two people. We sat there calmly as Buck-O-Nine blared from the PA, the most genuine smile across each of our faces and clicked the necks of our Dos Equis bottles against the other's. End scene.
I'm certainly no psychologist so I don't know what to make of it. It was simply to me a respite from a world where the Padres always lose and I'm like a fourteen year old for someone way outta my league. For one moment, life was perfect... and I'm just happy I got that one moment, no matter how unreal it really is.
Monday, April 14, 2008
I've come to rely on the fact that every single day, when I finally roll off the couch in the afternoon, I'll be greeted by a bright, shiny, brand-spankin' new volume of the world-renowned "SLPiH", which Winfields Ghost and Drama do such a spectacular job of researching while never missing a deadline. I thought, "hey, why should they get to have all of the fun?" so I decided I'd break out my very own regular feature, a little something I like to call "Know Your Enemy", which is basically exactly what it sounds like- a roundup of pertinent links about our upcoming opponents. While occasionally giving respect where respect is due and relevant statistical analysis and breakdown, I can only imagine that it will consist mostly of ridicule and derision of the d-bags that play for other teams. Let's give it a go, shall we?
Much like we did, Colorado just concluded a road series against a hated division rival with a win one day after recieving a brutal thrashing. Doing most of the damage were Clint Barmes (subbing for the slumping Troy Tulowitzki), who homered and drove in four, and Matt Holliday and Garrett Atkins, who each went yard and drove in three.
Ubaldo Jimenez will be going up against The Wolf. Jimenez won his last start against Atlanta, giving up three earned over six in a 4-3 nailbiter at Coors. He wasn't as successful his first time out, earning the loss in St. Louis, giving up three earned in five innings of work, a game in which "super-sub" Jeff Baker got his only hit thusfar in eleven AB/PAs. Baker is 3-for-18 with 7 Ks in seven career games versus the Padres.
San Diego native Mark Redman gets the nod for Wednesday's game, going up against Justino Hermano. Like Jimenez, Redman beat the Braves in Colorado his last time out, giving up three runs (two earned)on seven hits in five innings of work after getting knocked around for a loss in his first start of the season, giving up five runs (four earned) on nine hits and three walks in less than six innings against the reviled D-Bags. Also like Jimenez (1-0 in two starts), Redman hasn't faced the Padres much, losing his only decision of four games (three starts).
Thursday's finale matches Jeff Francis against
Philip Rivers Jake Peavy. Francis is currently 0-2 after getting rocked in both of his starts against Arizona after getting a rain reprieve from his first horrendous start against the Cardinals. In 16 career starts against the Padres, Francis has been far from successful, wearing a 4-10 record and an ERA of 5.83. Khalil, Kouz, and Bard have had their way with him. Not so much Jim Ed, though (1-for-12; ouch!).
Don't feel bad, Corey, this guy's mailbag gets filled with some pretty insipid questions, too. What kind of idiot with the entire internets at his disposal asks what happened to a free agent? Two clicks and you can realize for yourself that not only is Kazuo Matsui a member of the Astros now, but also that he has been unable to play due to anal fissures for quite some time now. Jesus, people; give the Brocks and Rencks of the world some credit and wait until you have a legitimate question.
Colorado is currently 14th in the N.L. in BA (Padres are 2nd), 15th in hits (we're #1!), and 14th in runs and RBI (15th!). Maybe if we watch them closely, we'll pick up a few tips on how to not leave 'em stranded...
Thursday, April 3, 2008
All day yesterday, the only thing I heard on both ESPN and Fox Sports was the same tired shid about Trevor needing to retire or be demoted. Today he tosses a perfect fuggin' inning and not a word is to be heard. I don't understand the rabid minds that demand this sort of knee-jerk sensationalism. In today's media the only triumphs that are documented are the ones that have a nice, even number attached... or happen in New York or even farther north. It's the same old bitchfest that we have all been crying for years but I just needed to vent on the unadulterated absurdity of a time-old quandry.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
1. NY Meth
2. Illadelphia Phallus
3. Atlanta Racists
4. Washington Generals
5. Florida Firesales
This division is the most cut-and-dry. Santana will come in third in the Cy Young voting to the one-two punch that is Jake Peavy and Chris Young.
1. NorthSide #1 Threats
2. Cincinnati Style Chili
3. Milwaukee Favre-Missers
4. St. Louis El Caminos
5. Houston Padre Offcasts
6. Piss-burgh Bream-Haters
I’m going out on a limb by picking Cincy to finish second but I stand by it.
2. Arid-zona D-Bags
3. Filthy Fuckin’ Dodgers
4. Denver Luckies
5. The Bottom of the Bay
Good pitching beats good hitting. Luckily, the Pads have great pitching and everyone else in the division has good hitting at best. This year they have an offense that can actually score a few runs per game and that’s all it’ll take. World Fuckin’ Champions!
Bring on your best arguments. The A.L. edition will follow soon enough.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Nevermind that he was a filthy Dodger for a few years, dude's a badass. Not only has he pitched in more Major League games than any other Jewish man, kicked cancer's ass, founded a landmark skatepark and museum, he's the lead singer of Pulley- one of the finest pop-punk bands in all of the lands. Breathe in the goodness: