Monday, April 14, 2008

Know Your Enemy: Colorado Rockies Edition

I've come to rely on the fact that every single day, when I finally roll off the couch in the afternoon, I'll be greeted by a bright, shiny, brand-spankin' new volume of the world-renowned "SLPiH", which Winfields Ghost and Drama do such a spectacular job of researching while never missing a deadline. I thought, "hey, why should they get to have all of the fun?" so I decided I'd break out my very own regular feature, a little something I like to call "Know Your Enemy", which is basically exactly what it sounds like- a roundup of pertinent links about our upcoming opponents. While occasionally giving respect where respect is due and relevant statistical analysis and breakdown, I can only imagine that it will consist mostly of ridicule and derision of the d-bags that play for other teams. Let's give it a go, shall we?

We kick off our three game series vs. the reigning N.L. champion Colorado Rockies at the greatest park around at precisely 7:05 pm PST Tuesday, the same time as Wednesday and Thursday's games.

Much like we did, Colorado just concluded a road series against a hated division rival with a win one day after recieving a brutal thrashing. Doing most of the damage were Clint Barmes (subbing for the slumping Troy Tulowitzki), who homered and drove in four, and Matt Holliday and Garrett Atkins, who each went yard and drove in three.

Ubaldo Jimenez will be going up against The Wolf. Jimenez won his last start against Atlanta, giving up three earned over six in a 4-3 nailbiter at Coors. He wasn't as successful his first time out, earning the loss in St. Louis, giving up three earned in five innings of work, a game in which "super-sub" Jeff Baker got his only hit thusfar in eleven AB/PAs. Baker is 3-for-18 with 7 Ks in seven career games versus the Padres.

San Diego native Mark Redman gets the nod for Wednesday's game, going up against Justino Hermano. Like Jimenez, Redman beat the Braves in Colorado his last time out, giving up three runs (two earned)on seven hits in five innings of work after getting knocked around for a loss in his first start of the season, giving up five runs (four earned) on nine hits and three walks in less than six innings against the reviled D-Bags. Also like Jimenez (1-0 in two starts), Redman hasn't faced the Padres much, losing his only decision of four games (three starts).

Thursday's finale matches Jeff Francis against Philip Rivers Jake Peavy. Francis is currently 0-2 after getting rocked in both of his starts against Arizona after getting a rain reprieve from his first horrendous start against the Cardinals. In 16 career starts against the Padres, Francis has been far from successful, wearing a 4-10 record and an ERA of 5.83. Khalil, Kouz, and Bard have had their way with him. Not so much Jim Ed, though (1-for-12; ouch!).

Don't feel bad, Corey, this guy's mailbag gets filled with some pretty insipid questions, too. What kind of idiot with the entire internets at his disposal asks what happened to a free agent? Two clicks and you can realize for yourself that not only is Kazuo Matsui a member of the Astros now, but also that he has been unable to play due to anal fissures for quite some time now. Jesus, people; give the Brocks and Rencks of the world some credit and wait until you have a legitimate question.

Colorado is currently 14th in the N.L. in BA (Padres are 2nd), 15th in hits (we're #1!), and 14th in runs and RBI (15th!). Maybe if we watch them closely, we'll pick up a few tips on how to not leave 'em stranded...

Well, I hope you guys learned something about the state of our adversary. Have a great day and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Later...

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Trevor's Still Alive (but don't ask ESPN)

[This entry is a verbatim copy-and-paste of a diary, er, I mean fanpost I put up over at the almighty Gaslamp Ball. My BAC is elevated enough to merit this its very own PnE spot- like anyone's gonna notice.]

All day yesterday, the only thing I heard on both ESPN and Fox Sports was the same tired shid about Trevor needing to retire or be demoted. Today he tosses a perfect fuggin' inning and not a word is to be heard. I don't understand the rabid minds that demand this sort of knee-jerk sensationalism. In today's media the only triumphs that are documented are the ones that have a nice, even number attached... or happen in New York or even farther north. It's the same old bitchfest that we have all been crying for years but I just needed to vent on the unadulterated absurdity of a time-old quandry.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

'08 in the N.L.

N.L. East
1. NY Meth
2. Illadelphia Phallus
3. Atlanta Racists
4. Washington Generals
5. Florida Firesales
This division is the most cut-and-dry. Santana will come in third in the Cy Young voting to the one-two punch that is Jake Peavy and Chris Young.

N.L. Central
1. NorthSide #1 Threats
2. Cincinnati Style Chili
3. Milwaukee Favre-Missers
4. St. Louis El Caminos
5. Houston Padre Offcasts
6. Piss-burgh Bream-Haters
I’m going out on a limb by picking Cincy to finish second but I stand by it.

N.L. West
2. Arid-zona D-Bags
3. Filthy Fuckin’ Dodgers
4. Denver Luckies
5. The Bottom of the Bay
Good pitching beats good hitting. Luckily, the Pads have great pitching and everyone else in the division has good hitting at best. This year they have an offense that can actually score a few runs per game and that’s all it’ll take. World Fuckin’ Champions!

Bring on your best arguments. The A.L. edition will follow soon enough.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Scott Rad

Maybe I came off a bit cold in my assessment of Scott Speizio the other day. I'm not trying to bury him; I've always liked the guy, what with him being in a metal band and having the blood red soul patch/ wisdom patch/ ball tickler/ whatever they're calling it these days thingie. The Qualified Substance Abuse Professional in me is sure he can get his shit together. Maybe we'll need a stretch-run utilityman and he can dye his gine-duster navy blue... Anyway, writing about him made me think I should write something about the greatest ballplayer/ musician/ skater/ entrepreneur of all time, Scott Mo'fuggin Radinsky.

Nevermind that he was a filthy Dodger for a few years, dude's a badass. Not only has he pitched in more Major League games than any other Jewish man, kicked cancer's ass, founded a landmark skatepark and museum, he's the lead singer of Pulley- one of the finest pop-punk bands in all of the lands. Breathe in the goodness:

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Spring Training

Its been long overdue and after a long hiatus I am back and ready to talk padres baseball, so lets get to it. As everyone knows spring training is a good time for pitchers to refine their stuff and hitters to get a look at live pitching.
There are three particular battles that I am looking forward to see how they shake out. First is how many rule 5 draftees will make the roster. I think that all of them have a chance to make the squad so it will be interesting to see them battle for open spots.
The second thing that I am eager to see is who will win the 5th starter position. There is a grip of guys vying for the last starting pitching spot and I believe that it will be Germano until Prior is ready to come back, but I hope it is one of our younger guys Leblanc, Inman or Geer just to see how they can do against major league hitters.
Lastly, Hairston vs. Headley. Ultimately I think that Headley will just do too much in spring training to sit on the bench its nothing that Hairston will do wrong its just Headley is the real deal and his bat will not allow him to be sat or platooned in left.
Here is to the battles of spring training.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Textbook Definition of Irony

Scott Spiezio got released by the Cardinals today as the result of an incident last December in which he got hammered, crashed his Beemer, fled the scene and topped it all off with beating the hell out of his neighbor. Obviously, that's no good and thank goodness he didn't kill anyone. But here's the part that got me:
Asked about Spiezio’s release, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa said, “I think it’s a consistent message about what the team represents.”
Saaaay Whaaaaat?!?! Tony probably would have kicked his neighbor's ass if he could have managed to stay awake. I guess they're required to finally take the hard-line approach after TLR's escapade and what happened to Josh Hancock, but the last thing I'd expect to hear it called would be "a consistent message about what the team represents", especially coming from the lips of a man who got to keep his job under such circumstances.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Bonds To Another Bay? Good.

Lately, with all of the decent players snatched up, people have been left to speculate where Barry Bonds is going to work this year. Word around the campfire has him going to Tampa Bay- much to my delight. It's the best case scenario. His "legacy" would be tainted even worse than it already is, what with his 3000th hit coming up guaranteeing that history won't be able to forget that he went out with the only pathetic team that would have him. This would be even better than him retiring or playing in Japan because in either of those instances he can play the "Feel sorry for me; I got blackballed" card. If the no longer devilish Rays pick him up, there will be one happy guy in West Virginia reveling in watching him struggle through one last, pointless season. I heard some idiot on the ESPNs saying that signing Bonds would automatically turn the Rays into a contender. It makes perfect sense because that's what he's been doing for the Giants, right? Right? Where do they find these people?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Kinda Bad and The Very Good

First off, I'd like to apologize to our readers (both of you!) for the long hiatus. I've had a lot of irons in the ol' fire and thepadfather hasn't wanted anything to do with sports in general since- well, you know... Anyway, here's what I was gonna say:

Our plans were set. This summer was definitely the summer that we were gonna pack it all up, kiss this hellhole goodbye, and take up residence in San Diego County. This was still the official plan until last Saturday- at which time an old acquaintance of mine offered me the vacant room in the tattoo shop he co-owns. Oh fuck yeah! This opportunity is the culmination of every bit of dreaming I've done since I was five years old. The plan has now been revised to bump the move back a year until I'm at the next level and fully established. I never thought I'd be so stoked to not be moving to San Diego. Life is good...

Sunday, January 27, 2008

ESPN Classic is garbage and here's why...

A few weeks ago, Suddenlink rearranged some of the channels and I was uber-stoked to find out that now we get ESPN Classic. My joy was about to go straight down the toilet in a hurry. It had been some time since I'd had Classic and, dear God, the years have not been kind. Why the hell don't they just call it The Poker Channel? Seriously, I enjoy taking everybody's money at the poker table just as much as the next guy, but when it comes to watching it on TV, fuck that shit straight up and down. When they're not airing that shite or Arliss, the actual classic sporting events they do manage to wedge in are season-specific. Right now, all they're showing is basketball since football season is (practically) over. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like it would make much more sense to air sports in their off-season. By doing what they do, Disney forces its various arms of ESPN to compete against one another in an all-or-nothing proposition. If somebody's a college basketball fan, they'd be a lot more likely to watch a classic game if it wasn't up opposite a live basketball game. Being a baseball junkie, right now is when I jones most to see some baseball, but by the time they get around to airing classic baseball, I'll have real games to watch. It's not rocket surgery, people; give your consumers what they want when they most need it. Then again, what should I expect from a company that relies on Eduardo Perez for intelligent analysis?

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I can see why you miss this guy...

Bip was basically Joey Cora with an ego problem. Look at those fuckin' wristbands; why not just get two from Hot Topic that say "I ♥ Me"? That's a good case for Paul Lukas: the rise and fall of the portrait wristbands. Only a select few players like Bip, Bonds, Sheff and Piazza had them for only a couple of years in the early-mid nineties, but they disappeared just as quickly as they arrived. With the technological advances, imagine how awesome they could make a wristband these days. Nike would have to invest in orange thread solely for the purpose of rendering Brian Giles's face... Anyways, here's the Bip card:

Saturday, January 19, 2008


New York vs. Green Bay
Green Bay 28-17
San Diego vs. New England
Brain says 31-21 N.E
Heart says 27-24 S.D

It's tomorrow now...

Now that you mention it, I’ve got a card of the last real outfielder K.T. swiped out of someone’s back pocket; it’s an old-school jim-dandy of Jimmy Ballgame. Heck yeah, I’m calling him Jimmy Ballgame; it’s been too long that’d I’ve had to admire him from afar. Worst case scenario, I feel privileged to see a legend in his twilight- like Mets fans in ’73 or Brewers fans in ’76. Personally, I think he’s still got enough of his historic range and glovework as well as sufficient offensive prowess for two more productive seasons. At any rate, here’s the card:
Jimmy Edge
One, that’s one of the fugliest got-dang unis I’ve seen in my short, miserable life. Two, Jimmy Ballgame doesn't sound badass enough… let’s brainstorm this… J-Ed… Jim Ed… Jimmy Ed… Jimmy Edge- yeah! From now on, James Patrick Edmonds will always be Jimmy Edge to me. Yep; that’s all it takes…

Friday, January 18, 2008

Slow news day... here's an old baseball card I found of our fearless leader in his 'stache rockin' days:

...and, yeah, I'm definitely gonna milk these baseball cards as time-and-spacefillers whenever there's nothing noteworthy to type about. A new card goes up each day K.T. doesn't get us another real outfielder and probably that day too, if I've got one of him. And to answer your second question, thepadfather, yes. Yes, there are Bip Roberts cards.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Got any corner outfielders?

That's what K.T. wants. The fact that we need another real outfielder isn't newsworthy at all, but it's good to know that he's acknowledging the problem- going as far as to conclude the chat with "I now need to go find a corner outfielder for you all." The rest was classic non-answers to fairly basic questions. A platoon of Bard and Barrett? Ugh. I hope somebody out there takes Barrett and some Triple-A arms off our hands for an outfielder. The Pirates still seem like the most logical candidate for that sort of deal...

Friday, January 11, 2008

Playoff Predictions part deux

Last week I went 3-1 and am hoping to go 3-1 this weekend.
Seattle vs. Green bay
I think this will be a close game but in the end the Pack will take this one 27-24.
Jacksonville vs. New England
I do not think that this game will be as good as most as I think the Pats will blow them out 38-17.
New York vs. Dallas
I for one do still not believe in Eli and think this Romo ordeal is beyond ridiculous. Boys 35-28.
San Diego vs. Indy
I think that people are underestimating the fact that San Diego owns Indy for some odd reason. Just like people doubted that the Warriors would beat the Mavs. Ultimately i think the Boltz win and win 27-24

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The '84 Series...

Friend of the family, Tigers fan, and all-around good guy Joe let me borrow his DVD of the '84 WS the other day. It started off with a rundown of each League Championship Series- that was infinitely more palatable than 80% of the World Series. It was really cool to see both of this year's Hall of Famers putting their best out there on the grandest stage of all. I think that Gibson HR off of Goose to seal the deal really summed up who Goose was. It's such an iconic moment, from the impromptu mound conference with a laid back Dick Williams realizing "You mean you're talking about striking him out" to an incredulous Sparky Anderson telling Gibson "He don't wanna walk you! He don't wanna walk you!" And that's the thing; Goose didn't play it safe- ever. He was balls-out, confident, all-or-nothing all the time. That moment also illustrated what made Dick Williams so great; he believed in his players and valued their insights and knowledge. It backfired for both of them that particular time, but at least they both stuck with their guns. If either of them even knew the definition of playing by the book, they would have never made it as far as they did...

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

About time...

Congratulations, Goose.

Friday, January 4, 2008

My playoff predictions

Tomorrow starts the first day of the NFL playoffs. Here are my predictions for the first round.
Washington vs. Seattle-
I see the Seahawks winning this one 27-24. Even though the Redskins have played well down the stretch and will play inspired football I think that the Seahawks playing at home will squeak this one out.
Jacksonville vs. Pittsburgh-
This matchup is the most difficult to choose as i think it is a toss up. Ultimately i think that the Jaguars will pull this one out 28-21. Big Ben gets sacked once every 14 attempted passes, and i think they will have to throw with Willie Parker out. Plus David Garrard doesn't turn it over and that will be the difference.
New York vs. Tampa Bay-
I think that the Bucs will win this one 21-17. Eli is a mental midget and never plays well in big games. The Bucs d will do all the work and Garcia will do enough not to screw it up.
Tennessee vs. San Diego-
I think that the Chargers will win this one 35-17 but i am worried that if the Titans can stick around til the 4th quarter that Vince Young will pull something out of his ass.
It should be fun.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Moves and more...

Former Friar flop and pre-Prior potential Padres pitching possibility Matt Clement signed with the Cardinals today. Above all, I'll always remember him as the guy on the receiving end of the greatest at bat ever...

The White Sox snagged up Nick Swisher. I'm a fan of the guy by default; he played his high school games about half a mile from my house- that's a big deal out here in Whitetrashville, Nowhereland...

The Mountaineers did exactly what Pat White requested. I'm pretty happy about it; people from other places don't understand how important the fact that he's a West Virginia guy is. I know my brother's stoked; last night he wrote this directly after the game:
interview------- Passed!!!
Bill Stewart- great, great. Lets try and get Calvin Magee, our offensive coordinator to stay. Seriously, it's the best i have felt in a long time; just a really good feeling. i mean a great domination from start to finish. Our and i do mean "Our" defense just Played Awesome! best the best nobody i mean yeah try and play better than them. Now i have to mention OU's offense- all i have to say is dirty. trying to compensate, HOLDING???? you ever heard of that? man. just can't keep up? Anyways, West Virginia Offense was just intelligently explosive. Schimtt: I love this guy. sweet shit, i enjoyed myself. done, drinking beer, watching sport center. ~P-DUB!

I couldn't have said it better, Paul. My favorite part of the whole evening was the interview with Schmitt at the end of the game.

Speaking of the WVU game, it was great to hear Matt Vasgersian again...

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


I know that this is suppose to be a padre blog but oh well we named it pads and ends for a reason. Anyway I am pumped about the West Virginia/Oklahoma Fiesta bowl match up tomorrow night. I really hope that WVU can shock some people and win another big bowl game. The way I feel for Rich Rodriguez is the same way i feel for Nick Saban d-bags. I hope that Steve Slaton can find his way back into the powerful WVU rushing attack. The past two games he has rushed the ball 19 times for 65 yards. Are you kidding me???? Slaton is possibly one of the 5 best running backs in college right now (D-Mac, Hart, Smith, Slaton, and Rice with the Freshman from Geogria right in the mix). In order for WV to win the game I think that Slaton is going to have to have a monster game. Noel Devine and Owen Schmitt and Pat White will all need to have big games in the rushing department. Along with a solid rushing attack which will be hard against the Sooner defense White will have to throw the ball effectively. He has plenty of viable options and even a few playmakers on the outside. Darius Reynaud and Dorrell Jalloh must play big both in the passing and rushing game.

Defensively they must stop the passing attack that the Sooners have. Bradford is a very good quaterback and might even be a force at the next level. They also have a couple of receivers in Malcolm Kelly Juaquin Iglesias and Jermaine Gresham. I am not so much concerned in the rushing game of the Sooners since the loss of AP to the NFL has left them without a 1000 yard rusher on the season.

Ultimately, i think that the Sooners might be too much for the Mountaineers but I will still be cheering my heart out.