The Textbook Definition of Irony

Scott Spiezio got released by the Cardinals today as the result of an incident last December in which he got hammered, crashed his Beemer, fled the scene and topped it all off with beating the hell out of his neighbor. Obviously, that's no good and thank goodness he didn't kill anyone. But here's the part that got me:

Asked about Spiezio’s release, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa said, “I think it’s a consistent message about what the team represents.”

Saaaay Whaaaaat?!?! Tony probably would have kicked his neighbor's ass if he could have managed to stay awake. I guess they're required to finally take the hard-line approach after TLR's escapade and what happened to Josh Hancock, but the last thing I'd expect to hear it called would be "a consistent message about what the team represents", especially coming from the lips of a man who got to keep his job under such circumstances.

Bonds To Another Bay? Good.

Lately, with all of the decent players snatched up, people have been left to speculate where Barry Bonds is going to work this year. Word around the campfire has him going to Tampa Bay- much to my delight. It's the best case scenario. His "legacy" would be tainted even worse than it already is, what with his 3000th hit coming up guaranteeing that history won't be able to forget that he went out with the only pathetic team that would have him. This would be even better than him retiring or playing in Japan because in either of those instances he can play the "Feel sorry for me; I got blackballed" card. If the no longer devilish Rays pick him up, there will be one happy guy in West Virginia reveling in watching him struggle through one last, pointless season. I heard some idiot on the ESPNs saying that signing Bonds would automatically turn the Rays into a contender. It makes perfect sense because that's what he's been doing for the Giants, right? Right? Where do they find these people?

The Kinda Bad and The Very Good

First off, I'd like to apologize to our readers (both of you!) for the long hiatus. I've had a lot of irons in the ol' fire and thepadfather hasn't wanted anything to do with sports in general since- well, you know... Anyway, here's what I was gonna say:

Our plans were set. This summer was definitely the summer that we were gonna pack it all up, kiss this hellhole goodbye, and take up residence in San Diego County. This was still the official plan until last Saturday- at which time an old acquaintance of mine offered me the vacant room in the tattoo shop he co-owns. Oh fuck yeah! This opportunity is the culmination of every bit of dreaming I've done since I was five years old. The plan has now been revised to bump the move back a year until I'm at the next level and fully established. I never thought I'd be so stoked to not be moving to San Diego. Life is good...